I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
