Sry I called you an 8
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
