bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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