she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
