Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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