I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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