Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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