she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
