Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think my moral compass just broke
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
