He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
