Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize