this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
