she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
