I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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