Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
