So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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