Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
