i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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