Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
