maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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