sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
