just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
