Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
