spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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