well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
