You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
