dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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