My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
