He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
