my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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