so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
