happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
