my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
