So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
