TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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