is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
