summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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