saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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