I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
