So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I want her autograph on my taint
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
