what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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