Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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