today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
