I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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