I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
