We're like a lot better than the average bears
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize