Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Randomize
