Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
