I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
