His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize