I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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