Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
