Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
