Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?

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(336): View more from North Carolina

just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...

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(416): View more from Toronto

He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.

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(907): View more from Alaska

I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.

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