just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
