I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
did i walk over a car last night?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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