found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
