she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
