If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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