take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
