yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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