Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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