Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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