I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
