I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
