and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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