I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
