i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
