Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
