And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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