Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
