cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
