just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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