I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
