Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like a drive thru vagina
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize