If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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