stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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