Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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