We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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